Called to be cheerleaders, not coaches

If I were to pinpoint the number one mistake we wives can sometimes make with our husbands, it would have to be a misunderstanding of our calling. The Lord provided us for our husbands to be a helper for them, but He did not give us any authority over them; rather, because Eve was deceived and ate the fruit, and enticed Adam to sin also, our good Father gave our husbands to be in authority over us.

So how this misunderstanding of our calling translates most often, is we feel compelled to correct our husbands’ faults. To point them out to them, to in whatever way make sure they do not succumb to them. Correction is, however, a responsibility of authority. It is a parental responsibility, which is why the Holy Spirit is the One who convicts of sin and righteousness. But we have no role of authority over our husbands, so when we feel compelled to correct them, we have overstepped our bounds and have taken on the role of God in their lives. It is no wonder most husbands resent their wives’ correction.

I find it interesting that according to the Shalom in the Home TV show rabbi (I haven’t seen the show myself) the number one reason men do not talk to their wives is that they feel like failures. In other words, they already are well aware of their faults. I am sure the adversary beats them over the head with them regularly.

So if the Lord has called me to be a helper to my husband, then I have resolved in my heart that I can not help by siding with the adversary, who is the accuser of the brethren. I think it is very difficult to correct our husbands without coming across as accusatory. At least, I have not mastered it in 25 years of marriage, I will admit that. But the Lord is the uplifter of our head. His ministry to us is edification. Do a study on the Greek word, “Father,” which Jesus uses over and over again in the Gospels. The word is from a root that means, “nourisher, protector, upholder.” I can help my husband by encouraging him, edifying him, lifting up his head, not bringing it down.

We sometimes forget how much they need us as cheerleaders, not coaches. We can safely leave the coaching in the Lord’s capable hands.