Repairing the Breach

So you said some hurtful things that you ultimately don’t mean, but they came from a place of hurt or anger. Now everyone is miserable, or perhaps worse, thinking of ending your future together.

We could make this a long story, but the short of it is:

HUMBLE YOURSELF.

While it may be exasperating living with a flawed human being at times, you have to remember that your spouse has to live with you too—a flawed human being.

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye;’ and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Mat 7:3-5

Ever notice that it is our own eye that always has the plank, and our brother’s the speck? It balances out human nature. Human nature minimizes our own faults and maximizes another’s, and the likelihood it is a skewed perception is high.

You are well aware of how your spouse messed up. You must become well aware of how you messed up too. That leads to GODLY SORROW, not the sorrow of the world. Godly sorrow comes from a true realization of just how wrong I was. Worldly sorrow is being sorry for getting called on the carpet, not for the wrong itself.

Before one arrives at godly sorrow, the enemy points his accusing finger at the spouse. He seeks to keep our attention on what they did wrong, to keep our anger or hostility or pride fueled. But after one arrives at godly sorrow, the enemy points his accusing finger at us, to keep our attention on what we did wrong, to keep our guilt, or shame, or humiliation fueled.

You can allow yourself to be buried under a mountain of guilt or shame, but what good will that do? Feelings are fickle, and not necessarily an accurate depiction of reality.

Yeshua has shed His blood for the reconciliation of the whole world (2 Cor 5:18-19), including our faults and sins and guilt, and our spouses’ faults and sins and guilt. Don’t receive the enemy’s lies. Receive truth, take the errant feelings by the ear, and tell your soul not to be cast down, but to hope in God, who is our help and our hope (Psa 42:5).

Humble yourself, and confess the mess you made of things to the Father. Ask Him for His help to set things right.

Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Pet 5:5b-7

Then go to your spouse. Humble yourself and confess the same to them. But really squash that pride first. If you cannot go to your spouse without the snarky barbs, you have not humbled yourself with godly sorrow yet. Make sure you are there first. And you can always ask for God’s help to get you there.

One of two things can happen. Your spouse can receive you. You can kiss and make up, and pray together, and forgive each other, and all will be right with the world.

Or your spouse can not receive you. Maybe God is sorting through everything that happened with them still and they have not yet decided to humble themselves.

But if your spouse does not receive you, that is not the end. Oh, no. Ask me how I know. Okay, I’ll tell you …

Continued in Repairing the Breach, part two